(Or the Little Things Foreigners Won’t Know Because Nobody Happens to Mention Them)
The movies, the books, even the
music. Nowadays, almost every aspect of pop culture has something to do with
America. Still, it’s impossible to know everything.
Some things people just don’t tell you. Funny thing is, those details
seemed to have stuck to my memory the most. So, what can an inexperienced
tourist expect?
- Papers with impossibly ridiculous questions to fill out on the plane. Who would ever admit being involved in a terrorist action?
- Smiling. Smiling is a must in every photograph. As a tourist, you will, of course, be taking pictures and have your pictures taken by whoever you’re travelling with, so smile. Otherwise people will nag until you do it. Or if they won’t, they’ll be making jokes about the types of smiles. There’s the American smile, and then there’s the… whatever-nationality-you-are smile. So save yourself some trouble and just show your teeth. They can’t look that terrible.
- Really cool registration plates. With pictures. If you want oranges on your car, move to Florida.
- Don't go swimming on Staten Island. Just don't. Unless there is a shower nearby. Or you're an over-excited teenager, in which case you won't really care about the slime sticking to your skin because you'll still be ridiculously excited about swimming in New York (and finding that Frisbee in the water...)
- Eventually, you'll come across a tap you won't be able to use. Or two. Or three. Unless you prefer a cold shower, asking for instructions might be a good idea. Or just try and risk breaking it. They're not too fragile.
- After that, you'll come across a door you can't lock. Don't even bother looking for a key, it's all in the doorknob... Maybe you have to press that button. Or turn that round part. Or draw a picture of a duck on it. And don't try checking if it worked by opening the doors... They have this lovely tendency to unlock themselves as soon as somebody opens them from the inside. On the plus side, a little adrenalin has never killed anyone... And how big are the chances somebody will decide to use the bathroom while you're in the shower and haven't managed to lock the door even though you thought you did?
- No matter what you imagined the size of Lady Liberty to be, you were wrong. She’s smaller.
- So is the White House.
- You might come across some very resilient trees. Like the Survivor Tree. It survived 9/11, so maybe European trees could learn something from it…
- Math. Hopefully, you like Math. You'll need it... Approximately every time you want to buy something in a store. Because including taxes into the prices would be exhausting. That's right. Be prepared to calculate those six or seven or how-many-depends-on-the-state-you-are-in percentages of the price. Nothing is as cheap as it seems… (Unless you’re shopping in Target. Which you should be at least once. You have no idea how much cheaper you can get a journal there.)
- Some coffee shops/bars/fast food places might only have hot water in the restroom. Don’t count on refilling your water bottle there.
- Summers in Florida are bad for your hair.
- So it New York’s subway.
- But you can get pizza with garlic. It might repel potential attackers… There must be a reason one can hear sirens wailing every ten minutes in New York…
- Eggs and pancakes go together, you just don’t know it yet. And syrup, let’s not forget syrup. And for God’s sake, no, you don’t eat pancakes at home, you eat crêpes. Deal with it.
- Go to Google Earth if you want to find a specific part of Central Park. Preferably before you actually go to Central Park. Because it’s huge. And really nice. And huge.
- Fortune cookies are an American invention. But you knew that already.
~S
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